Ann and I have started back in our life group after some time away on break (more for my benefit than hers). I love walking along with my friends and fellow believers through good stuff and bad stuff, but for me it can be very emotionally draining.

The great thing about being in a great life group is the real God moments that happen even when you aren’t the one sharing, and sometimes when you are caught up in trying to support someone else. When you least expect it, someone says a few words that cut directly into your situation when in reality they are responding to another person across the room.

This week we ended up on the topic of failure, more specifically how fear paralyzes us and keeps us from accomplishing God’s purpose for our lives. We were all rallying around and supporting a couple who are dealing with the call God has on their life, but are kinda stuck on how they’ll make it work. It’s a big step for them, and it would be a big step for anyone their age and with their current responsibilities.

Out of the corner, someone says “Wait a minute… Who are you worried about failing?” (or something like that). If you are following God’s purpose, and you know you are following Him, what failures are you worried about?

Man, that guy really read my mail.

Every day, I worry. I worry about paying the bills. I worry that something will happen and I’ll lose my job. How will my family survive? Will my wife be disappointed in me? Can I man up and ask for help if this month, the power bill just can’t fit the equation?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m blessed beyond belief. I’m not rich. Sometimes there’s way more month than money, but God hasn’t let me down yet. I’ve kept ALL of the needs and a great many of the wants with only the minimal sacrifice on my part. Does that stop me from worrying? Not a chance.

It would be easy to say that if I was following God’s purpose, I wouldn’t worry about it. I think in most areas of my life I am following His purpose, but I’m a work in progress and I understand that I don’t get all the things God has planned for me yet. That’s easy to say when you don’t think God has called you (specifically) to sell everything you have and move to Africa. If I did believe that, I’d be just as scared as these folks (who aren’t being called to Africa, at least not yet).

Andy Stanley had a great Podcast last week about Joseph (the coat of many colors, not the husband of Mary). The question he asked was “How would you live… what would you do, if you absolutely certain God was with you?”

It’s a question I’d love to say that I have the answer to, but I don’t. It’s certainly a great question, though. How would I live my daily life if I really truly believed that God stands beside me every minute of every day?

I’ll admit that I know it, but I don’t know that I really have the heart knowledge yet. I still life a life plagued by fear and for now my prayer is this: God, reveal yourself to me in a way that I know that you really truly have the drivers seat under control. Help me to see you as less of a fall back plan, and more of who you are: The one in control.

It’s a ramble, but it’s what’s circulating in my brain this week.