I’m feeling kinda beat up today so I thought i’d start a new list if things that will make your IT guy jump off a bridge. Most of the time just one instance of these things will only annoy him or her but cumulatively they should be sufficient to cause mental breakdown. I will update this post over time to reflect new tactics my users have used on me and my coworkers.

1- Start your emails with the phrase “I know I’m supposed to put in a ticket, but…”

2- spend time putting a pretty background and a totally unreadable font for your email, then call for help because you can’t figure out MS Word.

3- come by at lunch to ask us technical questions. Bonus points if it is about your home system. Double bonus points if it is about the system at your side business. Be sure to acknowledge that you are interrupting an otherwise quiet and peaceful meal.

4- Make up something work related to call about so you can nag about not being able to use E-bay from your WORK computer.

5- Learn, and use “computer guy” lingo. Refuse to use it correctly. Be sure to note in our satisfaction surveys how rude it was of your technician to correct you.

UPDATE:

6- Open the program of your choice, then pick up your keyboard and mouse by the cord… swing them around above your head, being sure to hit walls, desks, co-workers, etc in such a way that multiple settings are changed and you have no possible way of knowing what you did. BONUS: Tell the IT Guy you were just trying to change your email signature.

7- When filling out the survey, be sure to point out that 5 hours was far to long of a response time for a 3-day response time ticket. It makes us happy.

8- NEVER, I mean NEVER clean the dust off your computer. This way, when you call us because your keyboard is unplugged (because you kicked the cable) we get a face full of dust, and you can say “Whew, that sure is dusty! I’ll bet that’s the dustiest computer you’ve ever seen!”. You’d be wrong.