Reverend Evans and the Wonder Band?

Reverend Evans and his Three Piece Band?

Just thoughts…

Thanks to Grant for pointing this blog. I can tell there will be hours of entertainment from this little jewel.

I have played in a number of worship band over the years, and the upward progression of Metro has been constant. I am realistic enough to know that the odds of Matt being the last worship pastor I play with are slim, so I can only imagine how metro the next guy will be.

Matt, I hate to do this, but I feel obligated to score you on the quiz “Understanding how Metrosexual your worship pastor is. (A handy guide)”

I will follow Grant’s lead and keep a running score after each change.

1. Has a faux hawk hair style = +1
Matt has been known to sport the faux-hawk from time to time

Score - 1

2. Has more product in his hair than your wife = +1
Matt has enough product in his hair for 3 worship team members wives. Sadly I can only count this once.

Score - 2
3. Has Rob Bell, black rimmed glasses = +1
No glasses

4. They are not prescription, but just for effect = +2
N/A

5. Attends the Catalyst Conference = +3
Not that I am aware of..

6. Performs at the Catalyst Conference = +10
N/A

7. Owns Puma, Vans or Diesel sneakers = +2 per each pair
I’m almost completely positive that Matt owns these. I’m not sure how many, so I’ll say one

Score - 4

8. Wears jeans on stage = +1
Lately, yes

Score - 6

9. Wears designer jeans on stage = +2

I’m gonna say yes

Score - 8

10. Wears Wrangler or Rustler jeans on stage = -3

Would never be a chance.

11. Has a goatee = +2
Nope… but that would be an “interesting” look for you Matt.
12. Wears one of those Castro revolution looking hats = +2

Why don’t you do this??? This would be awesome.

13. Drinks coffee on stage = +1

No, but I think vitamin water has to count for something.

14. Drinks some kind of coffee you did not know existed = +2

15. Brings a French Press on stage and makes his own coffee during service = +5

16. Has a handlebar mustache = -3

I wish so much that I could deduct 3 points here. I would pay good money to see Matt with a handlebar mustache.

17. Good at Frisbee but hates getting all “sweaty” = +1

This is Matt —

Score - 9

18. Has a haircut that covers one of his eyes while singing = +1
See Faux-Hawk above… no points here.

19. Owns a white belt = +2
It wouldn’t surprise me, but I can’t prove it. I’m going to give one point for the doubts.

Score - 10

20. Owns suspenders = -3

Not a chance.

21. Wears a scarf with a t-shirt = +1

No, but I would not be surprised to see it.

22. Wears a winter knit hat even in the summer = +2

Wow.. Matt, I think you actually may be less metro than I thought.

23. You think he covered a My Chemical Romance song last week = +3

I did hear him cover “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” By U2. +1

Score - 11

24. Drives an Audi or VW, silver of course = +2

Drives a pick-up I’m going to subtract a point here… I think its worthy

Score - 10

25. Uses the words, “postmodern, relevant” or “emergent” nonstop = +2

Back up two points… Relevant…

Score - 12

26. Cringes a little when people say the “H word.” (Hymnal) = +3

Matt has a love-hate relationship with hymns (See Senior Adult Sunday) Lets say +1

Score - 13

27. Has ever said some form of the phrase, “That song is so 1990s” = +1
Score - 14

28. Owns a Grizzly Adams red and black flannel shirt = -2
No worries here..

29. Named his kid after a color or a number = +2
No kids..

30. References Norwegian punk bands you’ve never heard of = +2

This is Matt. I wish I could add 1000 points.

Score - 16

31. Wears a tie = -1

Never seen him wear a tie.

32. Wears a tie as a belt = +2

Sure, give him ideas.

33. Looks as if he might exfoliate = +2
Nah…

34. Has a man bag or European Carry All = +2

This day is coming - +1

Score - 17

35. Brings said bag on stage with him = +2
I think he’s better than this…

36. Has a tattoo = +2
Nah…

37. Has a visible tattoo = +4
N/A

38. Wife accompanies him on stage and plays tambourine = -4
Please for the love, I have to see Karen playing a tambourine…

39. Was formerly in a punk new wave band = +2
I’m gonna say not punk, but I have heard the CD… +1

Score - 18

40. Knows the names of all the people on the scripted MTV show, “the Hills” = +3
Undetermined at this time.

41. Refuses to drink anything but Vitamin Water = +2
Score - 20

42. Your wife ever says, “he needs a barrette for his hair.” = +2
Only because she hasn’t thought of it..

43. Has a nickname with “the” in it, as in “the edge,” = +2
This must be corrected… Next time this survey is completed for Matt he will earn 2 points.

44. Owns every Nooma video = +2
I had to google this one. No points for you!

45. Has a soul patch = +3
Again, please Matt, make this happen. Of course it always makes me think of this cartoon

46. Won’t play barefoot on stage until he gets a pedicure = +2
Thankfully i’ve never seen him barefoot on stage.

47. Refers to California as “the left coast” = +2
Score - 22
48. Currently subscribes to Dwell or Details magazine = +2
N/A
49. Owns a pair of lady jeans = +2
Dear Lord I hope not.

50. Twitters you from his iPhone = +2

Despite his Mac habit, he does not have an IPhone and I have never gotten a twitter.

51. His toddler dresses cooler than you = +2
I’m going to go ahead and give him 2 points for this, because when he has a toddler, they will dress cooler than me.

Score - 24

52. He wears graphic t-shirts over button down, long sleeve shirts = +2
Over? No…

53. Ever says “we got a hot mic here” = -4
Nah, he’s much more creative.

54. Shops at the Gap = 0

Why did we put this in here if it doesn’t add or subtract points?

55. Shops at Urban Outfitters = +2

If we had one, he’d be there… +1

Final Score - 25

Ok, Well Matt.. you passed pretty well. You’re metrosexual level is lower than i thought it would be.

It’s entirely possible that I screwed up tonight. For the first time in years… possibly a decade, I played basketball at our church get-together. I held my own, I guess. I scored two baskets, and played pretty aggressive defense and most importantly I didn’t pass out or injure myself.

The problem comes in the morning. Will I be able to get out of the bed? Will I be able to walk to the shower? Can I drive to work?

I’m thinking of investing in a case of Aleve and Ibuprofen.

I burned some serious calories, though!

This past weekend was a lot of fun. I got a chance to play music with Matt and the guys (those being Josh and Clay). Playing some tunes with these guys is always lots of fun and I am constantly amazed how smoothly rehearsals go. I felt like the weak point for a number of reasons, not the least of which being that I just hadn’t made enough time for rehearsal. Nobody’s fault but mine. It’s definitely an area where I need some discipline and I am going to work on that.

Either way we get to do it all again in a few weeks. I’m looking forward to it already.

I’ve been very luke-warm about my weight loss for the last few months. Like too many method actors I am having trouble finding my motivation. My life is good: I’m happily married, got a great kid a job that allows me some flexibility and pays well. I don’t want to go into what exactly has motivated me, but I am suddenly much more concerned with my appearance despite the other good factors in my life. I think it comes down to discipline. I want to have the self-control it takes to drop the pounds and tone up. I don’t want to spend another vacation swimming in a t-shirt. I want to look good for my wife and I want my son to never be ashamed of his fat Dad.

How is that for being transparent?

Well, here nor there I want to get things under control.