Ann and I have started back in our life group after some time away on break (more for my benefit than hers). I love walking along with my friends and fellow believers through good stuff and bad stuff, but for me it can be very emotionally draining.

The great thing about being in a great life group is the real God moments that happen even when you aren’t the one sharing, and sometimes when you are caught up in trying to support someone else. When you least expect it, someone says a few words that cut directly into your situation when in reality they are responding to another person across the room.

This week we ended up on the topic of failure, more specifically how fear paralyzes us and keeps us from accomplishing God’s purpose for our lives. We were all rallying around and supporting a couple who are dealing with the call God has on their life, but are kinda stuck on how they’ll make it work. It’s a big step for them, and it would be a big step for anyone their age and with their current responsibilities.

Out of the corner, someone says “Wait a minute… Who are you worried about failing?” (or something like that). If you are following God’s purpose, and you know you are following Him, what failures are you worried about?

Man, that guy really read my mail.

Every day, I worry. I worry about paying the bills. I worry that something will happen and I’ll lose my job. How will my family survive? Will my wife be disappointed in me? Can I man up and ask for help if this month, the power bill just can’t fit the equation?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m blessed beyond belief. I’m not rich. Sometimes there’s way more month than money, but God hasn’t let me down yet. I’ve kept ALL of the needs and a great many of the wants with only the minimal sacrifice on my part. Does that stop me from worrying? Not a chance.

It would be easy to say that if I was following God’s purpose, I wouldn’t worry about it. I think in most areas of my life I am following His purpose, but I’m a work in progress and I understand that I don’t get all the things God has planned for me yet. That’s easy to say when you don’t think God has called you (specifically) to sell everything you have and move to Africa. If I did believe that, I’d be just as scared as these folks (who aren’t being called to Africa, at least not yet).

Andy Stanley had a great Podcast last week about Joseph (the coat of many colors, not the husband of Mary). The question he asked was “How would you live… what would you do, if you absolutely certain God was with you?”

It’s a question I’d love to say that I have the answer to, but I don’t. It’s certainly a great question, though. How would I live my daily life if I really truly believed that God stands beside me every minute of every day?

I’ll admit that I know it, but I don’t know that I really have the heart knowledge yet. I still life a life plagued by fear and for now my prayer is this: God, reveal yourself to me in a way that I know that you really truly have the drivers seat under control. Help me to see you as less of a fall back plan, and more of who you are: The one in control.

It’s a ramble, but it’s what’s circulating in my brain this week.

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to go back to Camp Sumatanga (a place I have talked about before: see here). As I have said before, I can’t imagine a place on this Earth that is more bathed in prayer or has a more consistent and palpable presence of God.

This time, I had the great privilege of attending a once a lifetime experience called “Walk to Emmaus”. The walk is based on Luke 24:13-35 where Jesus appears to two disciples on the first Easter afternoon. First let me say this: I was a little freaked out by the idea of this experience. I mean, I know that everyone says it is a positive and wonderful experience. The thing is, no one will tell you much about it. I didn’t understand why, but now I know. To try to explain my experience would be meaningless to you. I can tell you some of the things I got from it, but if you went through the whole thing sitting next to me, you’re experience would be different. Of the men I talked to, no two people got the same message.

What I will say is this: My life will never be the same. I will never look at the world quite the same again. I know i’m going to fall, I know I’ll probably have days where I am cynical and the mountain top I’m on right now is bound to lead to a valley. Any journey must move forward and this one is no exception.

I learned about and experienced God’s Grace, love and his forgiveness in a way that I had never before felt. The whole weekend was full of new friends, new perspectives and a new appreciation for God’s call on my life.

For now, I will just say this: Christ is counting on you to be his hands and feet in this world. Go out there and share his love!

De Colores!

Three years ago tomorrow, Caedmon Lucas Plunkett was born and went home to be with our Savior.

The last three years are just so amazing, it seems like such a short time, but also like it’s been a decade. When we found out that our son was terminal in the womb and would never survive and live a normal life, we were so devastated. I’ve never cried out to God like that before, and at the same time I’ve never felt him so close by. The effect on my family has been unbelievable. We were close before, but God used this to really bond us in a way that would have never otherwise happened.

Ann and I prayed so hard, so often and so persistently for our son to be healed, and that God would make the changes in our heart that needed to be made. God DID heal him, even though it isn’t the way we would have chosen, and he made those changes in our heart in a way we could have never expected. It has taken all this time to really begin to see how much that has affected us, and I suspect we haven’t seen the end of it yet.

Tomorrow will be a hard day, as January 27th always is for us now. In a way, though, it’s a celebration of how God changed and shaped us through our loss.

God has been faithful to his promises in every way. We owe it to Him, actually we are required by Him to take what he has taught us and share it with others where ever there is a need.

I know, the title is cliché, but my life this last 3 or 4 weeks has been an exercise in learning to trust God.

Ann and I have been through lots of stuff in 5 years of marriage. We’ve moved 4 times, had 6 jobs (between the 2 of us) and attended 4 different churches. We lost a child, now we have a great little boy. We’ve had money in the bank and we’ve been broke. We’ve had sickness and we’ve seen healing. We know and acknowledge God’s hand in all of it. Looking back, I know God has been there through all of it, yet in the last few weeks I have had the most difficult time really trusting that God has my life in his hands.

Psalm 37:25 says

I was young and now I am old,
yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
or their children begging bread

I know that God has never left me. Not one thing I have come up against has ever been bigger than Him, yet in some way I have this feeling that I can’t let go and stop worrying about things. Somehow I have gotten the idea that my plans have to be in order for Him to do his work, and the revelation I have gotten this weekend is that my plans don’t mean anything.

Again, I “know” that in my mind, but knowing that He is going to handle it and actually trusting him to do it have proven to be two very different things.

I really got released from it all today. That came as a combination of things. First, in my prayer time last night (which sounds much more “Holier than thou” than it should) God really spoke to my heart and revealed some things that cut me to the bone. When I woke up this morning, my life looked very different than it did last night.

Second, we had an awesome worship service this morning which spoke to my heart and gave me an opportunity to thank Him for the change he has started in my life. I know that I can do that on my own, but something about doing that as a part of corporate worship made it even better.

Third, Ann was speaking with someone from life group who knows what we are struggling with and who has some knowledge of the other side of our situation who really had some encouraging words and good news about how things might turn out. Of course, I won’t know until tomorrow what that looks like.

I have actually been sleeping pretty well lately because I have worn myself completely out worrying all day about what is going to happen next, but tonight I have a feeling I will be awake all night. The difference is, this time it’s because I am excited to see what God has in store for us next. That’s a really great feeling.

What ever God has in store for me, I know it will be enough.

I was reading Clay’s blog tonight and my comment started turning into a blog post, so I shortened the comment and decided to write my thoughts on my own blog.

His blog was about a church near him that is advertising a “Patriotic Sunday”. His point (I hope I am accurately summarizing here) is that there is a line that should not be crossed in making our Country or a flag the object of our worship. I totally agree with that assessment and I also agree that using something like this to draw seekers can be questionable.

My particular soap-box was constructed a few years back. I was in a church Christmas play about how the season was so commercial, we take our good fortune for granted and need to re-center our focus on Christ. Roger that.

Then it happened… I didn’t know it was coming, and from the look of things my Dad (the pastor) didn’t know it was coming either. Someone stands up at the front of the church and says something to the effect of “Does someone hear Reindeer?” and Santa busts through the center isle door. Right in the middle of the sanctuary they set up this big chair and put Santa in it for all the kids to come tell him what “stuff” they want for Christmas.
I was livid. If there is a stronger word for livid, that would be more accurate. I was inconsolable. How can we do this? We just told everyone that they needed to focus on Christ during Christmas, and immediately turn around to tell them “Nevermind, ask for more junk”.

Since then, my disingenuous detector has worked overtime when it comes to church services. Anything that I perceive as being duplicitous, phony or overly theatrical makes me want to scream. I’m no stuff-shirt when it comes to church. I don’t think there are many valid “sacred cows” in worship, but when it comes to sending a message about our Savior, I think we need to be clear and consistent.

While I am on a rant: As someone who basically left the faith for a few years, I can tell you that from the outside looking in nothing is more unattractive than the fake fun we sometimes as Christians want to portray. I’m all for good wholesome fun, but when it is so over-the-top-kindergarten-teacher-driven cheesy “fun” I don’t think we do ourselves any favors. To me, it was insulting that Christians thought they were fooling me with how much fun they were allegedly having. It wasn’t until I met a group of guys who would drink a beer and talk about Jesus that I came back to Christianity. They weren’t faking anything, they were just people having fun and they happened to be Christians. They lived within the boundaries (i.e. they weren’t getting drunk and talking about Jesus), but they were real and they really love Jesus.

People want us to be who we say we are, and any attempt at faking it just turns them off.

So, I’m sure I took a left turn here somewhere into something totally unrelated to Clay’s blog, but I decided that while I had the soapbox out I might as well get it all off my chest.