Ann and I have started back in our life group after some time away on break (more for my benefit than hers). I love walking along with my friends and fellow believers through good stuff and bad stuff, but for me it can be very emotionally draining.

The great thing about being in a great life group is the real God moments that happen even when you aren’t the one sharing, and sometimes when you are caught up in trying to support someone else. When you least expect it, someone says a few words that cut directly into your situation when in reality they are responding to another person across the room.

This week we ended up on the topic of failure, more specifically how fear paralyzes us and keeps us from accomplishing God’s purpose for our lives. We were all rallying around and supporting a couple who are dealing with the call God has on their life, but are kinda stuck on how they’ll make it work. It’s a big step for them, and it would be a big step for anyone their age and with their current responsibilities.

Out of the corner, someone says “Wait a minute… Who are you worried about failing?” (or something like that). If you are following God’s purpose, and you know you are following Him, what failures are you worried about?

Man, that guy really read my mail.

Every day, I worry. I worry about paying the bills. I worry that something will happen and I’ll lose my job. How will my family survive? Will my wife be disappointed in me? Can I man up and ask for help if this month, the power bill just can’t fit the equation?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m blessed beyond belief. I’m not rich. Sometimes there’s way more month than money, but God hasn’t let me down yet. I’ve kept ALL of the needs and a great many of the wants with only the minimal sacrifice on my part. Does that stop me from worrying? Not a chance.

It would be easy to say that if I was following God’s purpose, I wouldn’t worry about it. I think in most areas of my life I am following His purpose, but I’m a work in progress and I understand that I don’t get all the things God has planned for me yet. That’s easy to say when you don’t think God has called you (specifically) to sell everything you have and move to Africa. If I did believe that, I’d be just as scared as these folks (who aren’t being called to Africa, at least not yet).

Andy Stanley had a great Podcast last week about Joseph (the coat of many colors, not the husband of Mary). The question he asked was “How would you live… what would you do, if you absolutely certain God was with you?”

It’s a question I’d love to say that I have the answer to, but I don’t. It’s certainly a great question, though. How would I live my daily life if I really truly believed that God stands beside me every minute of every day?

I’ll admit that I know it, but I don’t know that I really have the heart knowledge yet. I still life a life plagued by fear and for now my prayer is this: God, reveal yourself to me in a way that I know that you really truly have the drivers seat under control. Help me to see you as less of a fall back plan, and more of who you are: The one in control.

It’s a ramble, but it’s what’s circulating in my brain this week.

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to go back to Camp Sumatanga (a place I have talked about before: see here). As I have said before, I can’t imagine a place on this Earth that is more bathed in prayer or has a more consistent and palpable presence of God.

This time, I had the great privilege of attending a once a lifetime experience called “Walk to Emmaus”. The walk is based on Luke 24:13-35 where Jesus appears to two disciples on the first Easter afternoon. First let me say this: I was a little freaked out by the idea of this experience. I mean, I know that everyone says it is a positive and wonderful experience. The thing is, no one will tell you much about it. I didn’t understand why, but now I know. To try to explain my experience would be meaningless to you. I can tell you some of the things I got from it, but if you went through the whole thing sitting next to me, you’re experience would be different. Of the men I talked to, no two people got the same message.

What I will say is this: My life will never be the same. I will never look at the world quite the same again. I know i’m going to fall, I know I’ll probably have days where I am cynical and the mountain top I’m on right now is bound to lead to a valley. Any journey must move forward and this one is no exception.

I learned about and experienced God’s Grace, love and his forgiveness in a way that I had never before felt. The whole weekend was full of new friends, new perspectives and a new appreciation for God’s call on my life.

For now, I will just say this: Christ is counting on you to be his hands and feet in this world. Go out there and share his love!

De Colores!

I know, the title is cliché, but my life this last 3 or 4 weeks has been an exercise in learning to trust God.

Ann and I have been through lots of stuff in 5 years of marriage. We’ve moved 4 times, had 6 jobs (between the 2 of us) and attended 4 different churches. We lost a child, now we have a great little boy. We’ve had money in the bank and we’ve been broke. We’ve had sickness and we’ve seen healing. We know and acknowledge God’s hand in all of it. Looking back, I know God has been there through all of it, yet in the last few weeks I have had the most difficult time really trusting that God has my life in his hands.

Psalm 37:25 says

I was young and now I am old,
yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
or their children begging bread

I know that God has never left me. Not one thing I have come up against has ever been bigger than Him, yet in some way I have this feeling that I can’t let go and stop worrying about things. Somehow I have gotten the idea that my plans have to be in order for Him to do his work, and the revelation I have gotten this weekend is that my plans don’t mean anything.

Again, I “know” that in my mind, but knowing that He is going to handle it and actually trusting him to do it have proven to be two very different things.

I really got released from it all today. That came as a combination of things. First, in my prayer time last night (which sounds much more “Holier than thou” than it should) God really spoke to my heart and revealed some things that cut me to the bone. When I woke up this morning, my life looked very different than it did last night.

Second, we had an awesome worship service this morning which spoke to my heart and gave me an opportunity to thank Him for the change he has started in my life. I know that I can do that on my own, but something about doing that as a part of corporate worship made it even better.

Third, Ann was speaking with someone from life group who knows what we are struggling with and who has some knowledge of the other side of our situation who really had some encouraging words and good news about how things might turn out. Of course, I won’t know until tomorrow what that looks like.

I have actually been sleeping pretty well lately because I have worn myself completely out worrying all day about what is going to happen next, but tonight I have a feeling I will be awake all night. The difference is, this time it’s because I am excited to see what God has in store for us next. That’s a really great feeling.

What ever God has in store for me, I know it will be enough.

From Dr. Ergun M. Caner on Rick and Bubba this morning.

The difference between holiness and legalist is that a holy person wants you to look more like Jesus, a legalist wants you to look more like them.

It’s a paraphrase, but I think it gets the message across. I had never been able to frame it like that. It’s definitely a great mirror to hold up and see what inside of me has that “legalist” view.

Why is it that, myself included, bloggers every so often write posts about how hard it is to actually blog on a regular basis. As if we, the readers didn’t notice that they haven’t posted to their blogs in over 3 months and during that time whatever their last post was about has become completely irrelevant.

Well, here I am. It’s been over a month (just barely) since my last post. I’m going to get this out of my system early: Man, it’s hard to come up with something to write on a semi-regular basis. I mean, first, my life isn’t that interesting. The parts of my life that ARE interesting are actually more “juicy” and gossipy than actually “interesting”.

Well, since the last time I blogged we have had a few adventures. Ann backed into a lady in the Wal-Mart parking lot. It was innocent enough on her part, but honestly I knew from the beginning that it was going to be a hassle. I know how what I am about to say sounds, but please understand that there is a difference between prejudice and observations. This woman is from what we call “The Grove”. “The Grove” is not known for it’s Harvard graduates. Heck, it’s not known for its middle school graduates. In general the people there are not very sociable, typically not well educated and generally grumpy.

For the record I was correct about it being a hassle. She presented an estimate to have her car fixed, I offered to pay for her car to be fixed and she initially agreed. Then she figured out that I was paying instead of my insurance (The repair was less than my deductible, so I didn’t see a need to file on my insurance) and she decided that she wanted a check. She harassed my insurance people and after about a week and a half of her giving me grief I finally got angry enough to make myself clear. Apparently I was just too nice before, but words like “I’m done with you” “You WILL NOT be getting a check” and “If you call again, you’re going to jail” seem to have gotten the job done nicely. I have been ‘grover free for over 2 weeks now. It’s nice and peaceful. Maybe I should feel bad about it, but had you been there, I would bet you would have been the same way. The good thing is I managed to get her off my back without opening my mouth to the point that I got myself in trouble.

Work is going pretty well. I think for most people jobs just are stressful. I’m learning how to come home and let it go most nights. I have started leaving work at the office more and more, and the results are good.

Church stuff is good. We have started a new life group with some friends of ours and it seems to be going well despite the growing pains that always go with establishing a new group. There is the typical member turnover but we seem to be getting a consistent group of people and there have been some really transparent times.

Personally, I feel like God is preparing me for something. What? I dunno. If it is anything like usual it will be something that stretches me and I will probably look back in a couple of years and realize the awesomeness of the whole experience.

Well, this has been your monthly random update on life, the universe and everything.

So long and thanks for all the fish.

42.