So this is the big break up, dear blog. This is where I tell you that it’s not you… it’s me. I just can’t devote the time you deserve anymore. Sure we’ve had some good times. We’ve faced some rough times together too, but ultimately you could do better. The drive space you take up on our shared server could be used by someone who can love and tend their blog like a garden. I’ve never been that good at gardening, and lately I haven’t been that good at blogging. Your 99.999% uptime has been fantastic, but I haven’t really used it. Who knows… maybe the next person that comes along will be a big e-commerce site? Think of the money you’d make just sitting here accepting traffic. Maybe you’ll be selling the next big thing.

Just don’t turn into one of “those sites”. You know the kind… the sort of site that fathers tell their sons not to get mixed up with. You could prostitute yourself out… you’ve certainly got the goods… but don’t do it. Ultimately you’d just end up cast aside in the gutter, infected with viruses and spyware and begging for enough bandwidth for your next high.

No, my precious web site… don’t do that. Find yourself a good companion who’ll love you. Maybe you could do charity work? Raise money to fight hunger or some exotic disease.

Whatever the future holds, oh blog of mine… just remember the good times. I’ll still be around on the net somewhere. Maybe we’ll bump into one another. Don’t be offended if I don’t recognize you. I’m sure your new person will give you a face lift and clean you up, heck they’ll probably put you on a fitness program to get those extra pounds off and you’ll look fabulous. Oh I’m not calling you fat, but let’s be honest we haven’t exactly exercised together and things could use some toning up. It’s my fault really. I’m the one who got you in this shape.

Don’t cry. I can’t stand to see you like this. Honestly, how could you not see this coming? I mean, you know I’ve been running around with those microblogging sites for a while now. I’m just setting you free, you’ll be fine without me. I’m just glad we didn’t have any subdomains together. That would be messy, and honestly who wants to stay together just so we can give our subdomains a normal life only to know that someday they’d mature onto their own Fully Qualified Domain Names and we’d have wasted all those years together.

I’ve tried to protect you, you know. Remember when all those people were putting nasty comments on your posts? I installed the best spam filter that money could buy. I didn’t want you thinking too much about all those people out there selling their wares and linking to sites you can’t tell your mother about. No, I just couldn’t have them treating you that way. I’d never want you to have those problems, but from here you are going to be on your own. You are a big blog now and there are all sorts of automatic protection features available that can keep you safe from all the dark corners of the Internet.

This is goodbye. I’ll check in on you for a few months until my subscription runs out and then you’ll go on without me. It’s really better this way. Don’t feel like you have to do anything else. I’d understand if you never wanted me to browse to you again. I’ll always bookmark you in my heart.

A radio station I worked at right after college did a show called “Funkadelic Friday” where they played music from the 70s/80s that you would have heard at a skating rink. There was a guy there who had been doing FF for a long time and was just magnificent at it. He’s the only DJ I have ever heard post a 2:30 intro on a song. (If you don’t know what that means: He talked over the entire intro of the song. The trick was that the intro was 2 minutes and 30 seconds. That’s no small feat!)

You can’t have Funkadelic Friday without this song!

It’s FRIDAY!!! WOO HOO!!!!!