Thanks to Grant for pointing this blog. I can tell there will be hours of entertainment from this little jewel.

I have played in a number of worship band over the years, and the upward progression of Metro has been constant. I am realistic enough to know that the odds of Matt being the last worship pastor I play with are slim, so I can only imagine how metro the next guy will be.

Matt, I hate to do this, but I feel obligated to score you on the quiz “Understanding how Metrosexual your worship pastor is. (A handy guide)”

I will follow Grant’s lead and keep a running score after each change.

1. Has a faux hawk hair style = +1
Matt has been known to sport the faux-hawk from time to time

Score - 1

2. Has more product in his hair than your wife = +1
Matt has enough product in his hair for 3 worship team members wives. Sadly I can only count this once.

Score - 2
3. Has Rob Bell, black rimmed glasses = +1
No glasses

4. They are not prescription, but just for effect = +2
N/A

5. Attends the Catalyst Conference = +3
Not that I am aware of..

6. Performs at the Catalyst Conference = +10
N/A

7. Owns Puma, Vans or Diesel sneakers = +2 per each pair
I’m almost completely positive that Matt owns these. I’m not sure how many, so I’ll say one

Score - 4

8. Wears jeans on stage = +1
Lately, yes

Score - 6

9. Wears designer jeans on stage = +2

I’m gonna say yes

Score - 8

10. Wears Wrangler or Rustler jeans on stage = -3

Would never be a chance.

11. Has a goatee = +2
Nope… but that would be an “interesting” look for you Matt.
12. Wears one of those Castro revolution looking hats = +2

Why don’t you do this??? This would be awesome.

13. Drinks coffee on stage = +1

No, but I think vitamin water has to count for something.

14. Drinks some kind of coffee you did not know existed = +2

15. Brings a French Press on stage and makes his own coffee during service = +5

16. Has a handlebar mustache = -3

I wish so much that I could deduct 3 points here. I would pay good money to see Matt with a handlebar mustache.

17. Good at Frisbee but hates getting all “sweaty” = +1

This is Matt —

Score - 9

18. Has a haircut that covers one of his eyes while singing = +1
See Faux-Hawk above… no points here.

19. Owns a white belt = +2
It wouldn’t surprise me, but I can’t prove it. I’m going to give one point for the doubts.

Score - 10

20. Owns suspenders = -3

Not a chance.

21. Wears a scarf with a t-shirt = +1

No, but I would not be surprised to see it.

22. Wears a winter knit hat even in the summer = +2

Wow.. Matt, I think you actually may be less metro than I thought.

23. You think he covered a My Chemical Romance song last week = +3

I did hear him cover “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” By U2. +1

Score - 11

24. Drives an Audi or VW, silver of course = +2

Drives a pick-up I’m going to subtract a point here… I think its worthy

Score - 10

25. Uses the words, “postmodern, relevant” or “emergent” nonstop = +2

Back up two points… Relevant…

Score - 12

26. Cringes a little when people say the “H word.” (Hymnal) = +3

Matt has a love-hate relationship with hymns (See Senior Adult Sunday) Lets say +1

Score - 13

27. Has ever said some form of the phrase, “That song is so 1990s” = +1
Score - 14

28. Owns a Grizzly Adams red and black flannel shirt = -2
No worries here..

29. Named his kid after a color or a number = +2
No kids..

30. References Norwegian punk bands you’ve never heard of = +2

This is Matt. I wish I could add 1000 points.

Score - 16

31. Wears a tie = -1

Never seen him wear a tie.

32. Wears a tie as a belt = +2

Sure, give him ideas.

33. Looks as if he might exfoliate = +2
Nah…

34. Has a man bag or European Carry All = +2

This day is coming - +1

Score - 17

35. Brings said bag on stage with him = +2
I think he’s better than this…

36. Has a tattoo = +2
Nah…

37. Has a visible tattoo = +4
N/A

38. Wife accompanies him on stage and plays tambourine = -4
Please for the love, I have to see Karen playing a tambourine…

39. Was formerly in a punk new wave band = +2
I’m gonna say not punk, but I have heard the CD… +1

Score - 18

40. Knows the names of all the people on the scripted MTV show, “the Hills” = +3
Undetermined at this time.

41. Refuses to drink anything but Vitamin Water = +2
Score - 20

42. Your wife ever says, “he needs a barrette for his hair.” = +2
Only because she hasn’t thought of it..

43. Has a nickname with “the” in it, as in “the edge,” = +2
This must be corrected… Next time this survey is completed for Matt he will earn 2 points.

44. Owns every Nooma video = +2
I had to google this one. No points for you!

45. Has a soul patch = +3
Again, please Matt, make this happen. Of course it always makes me think of this cartoon

46. Won’t play barefoot on stage until he gets a pedicure = +2
Thankfully i’ve never seen him barefoot on stage.

47. Refers to California as “the left coast” = +2
Score - 22
48. Currently subscribes to Dwell or Details magazine = +2
N/A
49. Owns a pair of lady jeans = +2
Dear Lord I hope not.

50. Twitters you from his iPhone = +2

Despite his Mac habit, he does not have an IPhone and I have never gotten a twitter.

51. His toddler dresses cooler than you = +2
I’m going to go ahead and give him 2 points for this, because when he has a toddler, they will dress cooler than me.

Score - 24

52. He wears graphic t-shirts over button down, long sleeve shirts = +2
Over? No…

53. Ever says “we got a hot mic here” = -4
Nah, he’s much more creative.

54. Shops at the Gap = 0

Why did we put this in here if it doesn’t add or subtract points?

55. Shops at Urban Outfitters = +2

If we had one, he’d be there… +1

Final Score - 25

Ok, Well Matt.. you passed pretty well. You’re metrosexual level is lower than i thought it would be.

 

I will say that today a new era has begun. Today for the first time something happened that involved Paris Hilton that actually made me tear up… in joy of course. I’m not a fan of watching people in misery, but in this case i’ll make an exception. There is nothing better than a judge who realizes that he’s being circumvented by a product of the “Princess Culture” we’ve cultivated over the last couple of decades and puts the hammer down on her.
Princess indeed. Now, thanks to your little stunt you’ll be spending the entire 45 days in jail. How’dya like THAT?!

I LOVE IT.

Drunk Driving should be taken seriously, and the punishment for that was far to light in the first place. The idea then that you just ignore the law on an already stupid punishment and think you can get away with it? Well, i’m glad she will have to pay SOME consequences for her actions. Maybe, just maybe she’ll start acting like a human now. I realize that’s alot to ask, but hope springs eternal.

I could give you my rendition of this story, but my wife already did a fine job blogging it, so here’s the link.

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Cracked_Vessel (it is the July 9, 2004 post)