I’m feeling kinda beat up today so I thought i’d start a new list if things that will make your IT guy jump off a bridge. Most of the time just one instance of these things will only annoy him or her but cumulatively they should be sufficient to cause mental breakdown. I will update this post over time to reflect new tactics my users have used on me and my coworkers.

1- Start your emails with the phrase “I know I’m supposed to put in a ticket, but…”

2- spend time putting a pretty background and a totally unreadable font for your email, then call for help because you can’t figure out MS Word.

3- come by at lunch to ask us technical questions. Bonus points if it is about your home system. Double bonus points if it is about the system at your side business. Be sure to acknowledge that you are interrupting an otherwise quiet and peaceful meal.

4- Make up something work related to call about so you can nag about not being able to use E-bay from your WORK computer.

5- Learn, and use “computer guy” lingo. Refuse to use it correctly. Be sure to note in our satisfaction surveys how rude it was of your technician to correct you.

UPDATE:

6- Open the program of your choice, then pick up your keyboard and mouse by the cord… swing them around above your head, being sure to hit walls, desks, co-workers, etc in such a way that multiple settings are changed and you have no possible way of knowing what you did. BONUS: Tell the IT Guy you were just trying to change your email signature.

7- When filling out the survey, be sure to point out that 5 hours was far to long of a response time for a 3-day response time ticket. It makes us happy.

8- NEVER, I mean NEVER clean the dust off your computer. This way, when you call us because your keyboard is unplugged (because you kicked the cable) we get a face full of dust, and you can say “Whew, that sure is dusty! I’ll bet that’s the dustiest computer you’ve ever seen!”. You’d be wrong.

For some time now, I have been dealing with a work dilemma. The problem is simple: My focus is on producing results quantified by uptime, availability and data security while trying to balance user friendliness and helping users get work done with the least hassle. Sounds great, right? The problem is that doing that for a growing company means that I don’t have time for PR or office politics and it becomes really easy to hide in my office and get my work done. Then, because nothing is going wrong and I am not flying from office to office in my IT Superman cape, the perception is that I’m sitting in my office writing blogs (Ok… maybe there is SOME validity to that, but you look back through and see how often I post, I’m obviously not doing a whole lot of that) or I am not friendly or “customer service oriented”. (As an aside, that term makes me insane.)

So my dilemma is this: How do I mold my co-worker’s perceptions? Here are some ideas, and why I have disqualified them:

• Write an IT Newsletter: This one has some merit. It’s a great way to put out a one-sheet on a regular basis that details new features, upcoming projects and maybe a fun article on some area of life other than work. The problems? 1) Finding the time to actually write the articles given the situation listed in the first paragraph 2) Compelling content is hard to write. Most people want to turn on their computer and just do their work. They don’t care about this great new feature that patches their machine and keeps it secure or how the new spam filter is catching 3-4,000 messages a day that they don’t have to hassle with. 3) Not coming across as arrogant or “tooting my own horn”, even though in reality that’s what I’m trying to do.
• Get out in the hallway and talk it up: I have had some limited success with this method, but the time constraints make it prohibitive. There is also the balance between making small talk and getting involved in the constant office drama that every business deals with.
• Morning rounds – Basically, I walk around to each person’s office and make myself visible, make sure things are going smoothly and update them on anything I’m doing that is relevant to their interests. This is also a good time to fix small annoyance issues they may be having. Overall, this is the method I have had the most success with. This method is pretty good in the fall and winter, but during the spring and summer so many people are on vacation that my morning rounds don’t actually make that much contact. The downside is similar to the hallway solution: getting involved in drama.

So, there is a window into my ever-running mind this morning. That’s what I have swirling in my head today.

This morning, I had the conversation that I end up having with every new employee who is moderately computer saavy.

“No, I won’t give you administrator privileges. It’s bad policy, it gives you too much access to things you don’t need and you will break it eventually if you are admin. Not going to happen”

I was then informed (by that wonderful “i’m joking, but i’m not really joking” tone) that the user would annoy the crap out of me until I did.

“Feel free to come by and let me know what software you need installed, they pay me to maintain these machines, I don’t mind.”

So it took all the way until this afternoon before I get the e-mail.

(Paraphrase) Since i’m not administrator, I can’t put shortcuts on my desktop (end paraphrase)

That’s all well and good, except that it is in no way the truth. A guest user (which has virtually no privileges) can put shortcuts on the desktop. Now, they won’t be there when the user logs off or shuts down the computer, but it will place one on the desktop during that session.

Anyway, i’m rambling.. sorry.

So, I walk down to the users office and here is where I am validated…

“I guess it won’t let me move it because it’s in my system32 folder”…..
…
…
…

That’s right… he was screwing around in the folder that (as administrator) deleting, renaming or possibly thinking bad thoughts about a file can corrupt and damage the entire OS.

And THAT is why users can’t be administrators….

Geez.