I really do. I really want to talk about what a rotten day i’ve had. I would like to vent and rant and be cantankerous (sp?). In fact I started writing this post just that way, but I realize that i’ve just got too much to be thankful for. I can’t complain about how my money situation right now really sucks when I look at my healthy son, my lovely wife and all the other things God has blessed me with. Sure, i’m still in a bad mood. I’ll get over it. I always do.

Well, the other layout wasn’t playing nicely with Firefox, so I hosed it in favor of this one. I like it ok. I”ll probably tweak it sooner or later.

I’ve really been struggling lately with work. It’s the normal stuff that I think most people go through. The idea of working for the next 35 or 40 years for someone else just haunts me. I like to get my work done without people looking over my shoulder all the time… and when I get done with my work, I don’t want lots of questions about why I’m not running around acting busy. What is it with people thinking that because you don’t “look busy” that you aren’t doing anything? I have a list of things two pages long (single spaced, no less) that I do every day. Sometimes it takes me all day, sometimes it takes me a few hours but it always has to be done. If I booked any more “stuff” in there, some of it wouldn’t get done a lot of days. From the outside looking into my office, most of that stuff looks like i’m not doing anything when in fact i’m making sure that things are running smoothly and that there aren’t any disasters looming on the horizon. It doesn’t help at all that my bosses don’t have a clue what it is I really do. They said “We need and IT Guy” and so here I am with the instructions of “Make it work”, which I can do, but unfortunately for me they don’t always understand why it is I do things.

The Bible talks about working in Colossians 3:

22-25Servants, do what you’re told by your earthly masters. And don’t just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you’ll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you’re serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn’t cover up bad work.

Admittedly, I don’t sit at work and think “I’m fixing this printer for God”… or “How would Jesus want me to wire this server room?”. It’s not something that hits my mind every day. I guess maybe I should think about it in that frame more often, but in the real world it is hard to see your daily routine as somehow glorifying God. It is so easy to get caught up in the earthly rewards that come with our jobs that we don’t even think about how our work actually has a spiritual component.

I do quality work. I work hard at the office and a lot of nights I work from home and most of the time I do that off the clock. I’m always thinking about my network, thinking about how things are working now and how they could work better. I wake up and get in the shower every morning and quite frequently by the time I’m done shaving I’ve come up with a new idea on something that will make my system better. I almost never write down those hours and I have several reasons for that, but I think that if my bosses really knew what kind of time I put into my job, they would figure out that I really want to do good work for them, and that I’m dedicated to making the company grow.

I woke up this morning really dreading having to go to work tomorrow. I wasted a large part of the day just wallowing in self-pity. I don’t want to work hard to make other people rich. If i’m going to work hard I want to get rich. Why shouldn’t I be rewarded for working hard? Why should my hard work make my heathen boss enough money to live in a half-million dollar house and drive a new BMW while I drive a Chevrolet and live in a house that I couldn’t afford the rent on if I weren’t renting it from my parents, and let me assure you I don’t live in a half-million dollar house. What’s the point? Well… all of that can be true and in many ways I think it is, but how does all of that glorify God? You probably already answered that question… it doesn’t. Being a good employee honors God. Working hard so that I can represent my faith in a positive light honors God.

One of my bosses is a Christian, the other is not (well, let me say it this way, if he is a Christian his fruit tree is pretty bare). How does it look if I gripe and complain, do half hearted work and make excuses all the time but turn around and call myself a follwer of Christ? What kind of witness would I be? Man. That’s hard to swallow. Taking the “I want” and “I deserve” out of my attitude is tough. Feeling entitled to some level of reward or appreciation is natural. Everyone feels like someone “owes” them something.

God and I have been having a conversation since this morning. It’s ongoing, but the basic idea is two parts… number one, change my heart. Give me a new attitude on my work, my life and my bosses. Number two, help me see the bigger plan for my life. I don’t want to be stuck in an office the rest of my life. I would love to be a professional musician, but only if I could do that in a way that honors God, be that with a “Christian” band, or with a secular band that understands that God is first… they just don’t happen to sing about him in every song. (Sawyer Brown, Josh Turner, the list goes on… it’s being done. I could deal with that). I want direction, or some confirmation that what i’m doing is the direction.

Say a quick prayer for me on these two points, if you will. I know God is faithful, and I know he will supply.

Wow. So next Sunday is “Senior Adult Sunday” at my church. Most places that would mean that we would recognize the folks who are “senior adults” (which by the way is the politically correct way of saying “Old People”. I hate political correctness, but I digress). Unfortunately however, we have managed to let one of the “SA’s” take over this thing and it has turned into a full out 3 ring circus. I’m talking about showboating in the worst kind of way. I don’t want to gripe. I don’t like to complain. It is important though that we recognize a few things here. The church we go to is very much a contemporary church, we have praise and worship music, the pastor doesn’t wear a tie often, and it’s common to see people in shorts and a t-shirt. We’re very laid back in a lot of ways. In fact we’re so laid back, we actually manage to incorporate some hymns along the way without getting into the “Cabin in the Corner of Gloryland” stuff, and it’s very effective. There are some powerful words in a lot of the old hymns. Many of them were written by people who were in touch with God and really in a spirit of worship.
This however, has turned into something altogether nightmarish. I NEVER want to hear the words “Dress Rehearsal” in reference to a church service. Ever. I have always hated that mentality. There is no leadership of the spirit allowed in “Dress Rehearsal”. It is structure for the sake of structure and it doesn’t allow for the Holy Spirit to move in any way. I understand wanting to rehearse, make sure the musicians know their parts and the singers know their words but when it gets into the mindset of “Dress rehearsal” it becomes two things: 1) a Show, and 2) pretensious.

Furthermore, in our practice today (again, no problem with practice, you can’t do music without practice) my soundman instinct kicked in. I can deal with microphones that are set up by someone else. I don’t mind if you beat it with a hammer if I have no sense of ownership. If I set up the mic’s, don’t touch them. I put them where they are for a reason. Don’t move them, don’t re-adjust them, don’t flip switches. You don’t know what you’re doing. Just stop. Again, I digress.

I just have a real problem with people wanting to turn a church service into a show instead of doing things that honor God. When it becomes about you and your ideas, and not about how we can do things better to lift God up, then in my book you are treading on very dangerous ground and it makes my skin crawl. I don’t like being a part of it. That spirit is what has caused so many people to look at church as being fake. I don’t know if i’m adequately explaining it, but suffice it to say, I feel like this service is going violate the trust of the congregation. If someone is there, or brings a friend because they want to get them into a church where there is genuine worship this sunday, then we can go ahead and write them off. They won’t be back. It is very very frustrating.

What…A…Nightmare.