It just dawned on me that I have hit the wall. I have reached burn-out.

This is not unusual for me this time of year. The weather outside is nice (despite my allergy to everything this time of year) and there is much golf to be played, many fish to be caught and many hours of sleeping late to be had.

Every year I get this feeling in my gut that I am in the wrong place because I am not doing what I enjoy: nothing in particular.

Don’t mistake this for laziness or depression because I think this problem is completely different. I have a general dislike of working for someone else and I have a greater dislike of being forced to do that on someone else’s timetable.

The truth is, if I had an income that didn’t require driving to work every day I would save about $6,000/year right now on fuel alone. That doesn’t help things. I spend about 25% of my income every month on fuel for work. Work COSTS me money. Sure, that ignores the simple fact that without work I don’t have the other 75% of the money I get, but knowing that doesn’t really make me feel better.

Working for myself would be incredibly tricky. I don’t think that the skills I possess are marketable as a stand-alone business here, since what I do is largely a support role. Sure it is a moderately profitable support role and I am thankful for the skills I have, but the problem with supporting roles is dealing with the people you support.

I guess this years downturn will pass just like the others. Nothing will change, because I don’t have the guts to step out there and risk sending my family into poverty just so I can work on my own time and do my own thing. I spent an hour or so looking into some business opportunities last night, only to find that most of them require exorbitant amounts of money on hand to start and can take years to be profitable. Some franchises (I won’t name names, but I’m looking at YOU Krispy Kreme) reportedly require a net worth of over $30 million dollars just to open one store. Ever wondered why the “Hot Now” sign isn’t on every corner? Now you know.

I’ve got to get my priorities in order and learn to be content with what I have, not focus on what I don’t have and quit complaining. I have it so much better than so many other people. I guess that’s how I justify my annual springtime funk. It’s not about what everyone else has, it’s about what I would like to have the freedom to do. Stuff is nice, I like having stuff, but ultimately if I just had the freedom to say “I think I am going to play golf instead of work” whenever I want, that would help my mood.

Then i would just find something else to complain about.

Thanks for reading the most depressing post you’ll read all day.